I am pursuing my husband

This week has been pretty awesome!  My husband and I have been dating.  Yes, with each other!
Our three boys are off at Camp Grandmaw and Grandpaw for the entire week.  They are living it up pretty big.  Candy, cookies, bike riding, water tubing, fishing, swimming having a big ole time!

So, that has left Andy and I in a pretty unusual spot.  We are HOME ALONE!  The first day was pretty weird.  The house was way too quiet, and way too clean, but then we got over it! 

This week we decided that we would have fun, do things we wouldn't normally do, embrace each other and have silly fun again.  

We were actually able to talk and finish a conversation!  We went to supper and a movie, we ate lunch together most days, we had a water gun fight.  We became friends again.  We were not just defined by our kids and being parents, but we got to be a couple completely into each other.  We held hands and kissed at supper, he noticed what I was wearing and called me pretty.  

I learned things about my husband.  I also learned things about myself.  I was more relaxed, more in tune with my husband and my feelings.  I was open to him and what he was feeling.  We were able to do what married folks do, and just be together.  I was able to think about my husband throughout the day, with kids I don't have a chance to think.  I thought about how much I love him, and how I could be a better wife to him, and what I could do for him.  It was really amazing when I realized how often I don't think about him.  The kids consume so much of my time and attention that I easily forget about my love.  All of the mommas out there know exactly how I feel.  We get bogged down with daily life that we are only in survival mode, not living mode.

This week my husband and I LIVED!  We lived for each other.  We lived with each other.  We LIVED!

I am excited that our week is not over yet.  Today we are going white water rafting, ziplining and finishing it off with food truck Friday! We have decided that even when our kids are out of the house we will still be the cool parents, who date each other. 

(Saturday we will be married 11 years!! Woo Who!! Go us!!)

"However, let each one of you love your wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband"

Ephesians 5:33

Running the Race

I have to confess... I have been uninspired, preoccupied, not feeling it lately.  I haven't been able to find my words or make time to write and blog.  I think it has taken me a few months to wrap my mind around on what I have been thinking.  I have figured out that I have been missing some really important fuel in my life.  I have not been feeding myself, so how in the world was I supposed to pour out in my blog?

I had tried several times to sit down and try to write.  I wanted to write something profound, trying so hard to impress, trying to move readers hearts.  And the truth of the matter is, that I was doing just that, trying too hard.  I put way too much pressure on myself, and therefore I froze when I sat down to write.  I was empty.  I didn't even know where to start.

Then it dawned on me.  I had ALREADY started.  God was already using me.  He already had me running His race.  I was the one who chose not to trust, and continue on His path.    This has been a process for me.  A journey of learning about myself and learning where God has me.  The biggest thing I have learned is simply knowing and embracing where God has me right now, right in this moment.
There are a few things that I have learned about myself in this process.  

1) I need to be in God's word EVERYDAY!  I will admit that I struggle with this.  I might do really well for a while, and then out of nowhere life happens and BAM, I not reading daily.

2) I need to listen and trust my husband in my life.  He is the spiritual leader after all.  Now before you go all crazy on me, let me explain, I'm kind of all over the place.   I have ALOT of cray cray ideas.  "Let's move to Costa Rico and be missionaries; Lets adopt; Lets home school; I'm going to Africa; I'm not going to Africa; Wait, I wanna go to Africa again; I wanna open a nonprofit; I wanna help people".  I'm exhausted just writing it.   My husband is amazing!! I need to listen to him and value what he sees in my life.  After all, there has to be some calm to my chaos.

3) I need community.  I mean good, Godly women pouring into me and me into them.  Being in constant communication with women I trust.  Women who are walking with the Lord.  Women who are not judging me and my craziness, but are praying over me and helping me along the way.  Women that I can text at any moment and ask for prayer, or just recognize that I need prayer.  Women that will hold me accountable and ring me back in.

I am fixing my eyes upon the Lord!  I am reminded of a quote by Margaret Shepard, "Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith".  It's so true!  We have to be reminded of this because our life is constantly changing and moving.  As long as we keep our eyes fixed upon the Lord, we will preserve.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."

Hebrews 12:1-2

"Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart"

Hebrew 12:3

Dear GOD

I was in front of my computer.  Thinking, reading blogs, praying; trying to understand my path.

I know. I was listening.

Selfishness creeps in.  Self doubt is knocking on the door of my heart. Why does our human side have to come out so ugly.  Dying to flesh is a process.

I know.  Its ok.  You are my child.  I created you.

I know that being uncomfortable is sometimes a good thing.  A chance for us to grow closer to you,  closer to being more Christ centered.  Sometimes, I don't want to be uncomfortable.  I don't like to NOT know the ending.  I want my plan to be laid out.  Just tell me Lord what your plan for me is.  I will follow.

You have to be equipped.  I am equipping you.  Patience my child, I've got this.

Lord, why do some people get the big gigs?  I want to move mountains for you.  I want to change the world and tell everybody about you!

You are my child.  Be in the moment I have given you.  Allow me to guide you.

I am weak, Lord.

My child, I am strong.

I cry, and crumble into a million pieces.

I will make you whole.

I am ready to be all in!  All for you! Use me...

I have already used you.  I will continue to use you.  I made you.  I know your inner parts.  Have faith my child.

Faith...

Faith...

You've got this?!

I've always had it!!

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Yup! This totally happened!

This is a post to help you feel better about your parenting...

So, my husband was out of town last week.  When he is out of town I let the boys take turns sleeping in bed with me.  I had tucked Carter into my bed, got Walker into his bed and proceeded to check on Tyler. 

That's when I heard a POP! 
Walker came running out of his room with a terrified look on his face.  "What happened?" "What did you do?"

He's response was that the penny went POP!  Ummm...OK!  
That's when I knew something wasn't right.  When they admit to a little bit of the crime, it usually means they did something pretty crazy.

Walker decided that it was a good idea to pull his night light out of the socket just a little bit, THEN DROP A PENNY DOWN ON THE PRONGS!!!

Seriously!!!  How was this even a good idea.  How does one think to do something like this?
So I screamed.  I mean what else was I supposed to do, there were BURN marks on the outlet!!

So that freaked out the other two kids.  Then, I remember that I am the only adult in the house, so I need to get it together.  Breath...

All three boys ran and got under the covers in my bed.  I go to look at the fuse box.  I have no idea what to look for, but I have seen my husband open it up.  So that's what I did.  The fuse was actually switched to off, so I put it back on. 

When I made my way back up the stairs the lights in the whole house flicked.  That scared everybody all over again, even me!! 

Sooooo.... 
Tyler and Walker slept on the floor in my room, Carter was in my bed, and,  I woke up every hour and sniffed the air to make sure their was no smoke.

WHEW! I was so glad to have my Hubs back home!

The Time I....

This past weekend I did something radical.  I did something that made me uncomfortable, even anxious. 

I gave up social media for the ENTIRE weekend.  No Facebook, no Instagram, not even Pinterest could be found.  

And you know what the crazy part is?  I survived!!  I didn't break out in hives, or cause my head to spin uncontrollably.  I merely just lived my life...

I did not have to check on who was at what movie, or whose toenail fell off, or whose kid got the stomach bug.  I lived. I breathed.  I ate.  I went about my normal day.
  
It was freeing.  I felt empowered by my own life.  My own circumstances engulfed me.  I am not saying that I was on FB all of the time, but anytime I had a down minute, I would check it out.  Instagram, I probably looked at more often.  Don't lie, you do it too.

 Some of us even have "friends" on social media that we have never actually had a real conversation with.  We are engulfed in their pictures and their comments and the life they allow us to see.  We forget to look at our  own life and the greatness that we have.  We don't have to post a really cool picture about it, or comment that #wearehavingsomuchfun. 

I will admit there were times this weekend that I caught myself trying to click the app.  I even got on Pinterest, until my husband pointed out that, that too is social media.  

So what did I do instead? We built forts, watched movies, rode bikes, went to a play.  And no one had to know.  I didn't post #chillinwithmyhomies, or #threesillyboys. We had actual  conversations with each other.  It was great!

Don't get me wrong, I do not think that social media is bad.  Afterall I do have this little blog.  I do think that it can interfere with our own personal lives.  I just felt it was time for me to take a step back for a little while.  We used to be media free (TV included) twice a week.  It is a good check.  A time to reflect and be with the people you are with. (As I write this, I think it might be a good idea for my family to do again. p.s. don't tell the boys, they take it kind of hard).

So Lent is starting tomorrow.  And I have decided that part of my Lent experience is giving up social media every weekend.  Who knows, it may lead to more than just the weekend.  

Its time to get reconnected with our families and not the ones on our screens.  Why don't you join me?
#analogweekend 
I would love to hear from you.

Can you swallow a pocket knife?

My Uncle Bill could do the most amazing trick. All of us kids could be mesmerized for hours. He would sit in an old wooden folding chair while my cousins and I would gather at his feet.  

Y'all, he could swallow his pocket knife!

I can't make this stuff up...  He would sit in his chair and in a grand, dramatic way he would choke down his pocket knife.  Us kids, would just stare at him, thinking he would just die, but instead he would cough, and hack, and up would come the pocket knife.

It was the coolest thing!  We would just watch and look at him in amazement.  The grown ups would stand around and chuckle at how the kids were so entranced by Uncle Bill.  It was magical.

It wasn't until I was a teenager that I figured out the he didn't actually swallow the pocket knife.  Actually if I'm totally honest, I think my older brother had to explain it to me (I know, Duh)

I'll admit it, it was kind of a let down.  I thought, why would he trick us, why would he let us on to believe he could do something so amazing?

But you know what...  He COULD do something amazing!  He was a cool great uncle.  We loved hanging out with him, and hearing his stories, and watching him do his trick.  He made us laugh, he kept us entertained (which was kind of a miracle).  We learned from him.  I have great memories of him and his cool trick.  I wanted to hang out there.  Truth be told, his wife Aunt Mary Helen, was a great cook too.  It was the perfect combination!

Isn't God kind of like this.  We go through really hard times, and wonder, why.  We get caught up in the let down of the moment that we find it hard to see the growth in the experience.  We grow so much during the hard times.  It's not a trick or a quickness of hands, its life.  Life at its best.  Life.  Learning.  Lessons.  

Look back at your life and pray over your hard times.  What lessons can you learn?  What friendships were formed out of those times?  What cool trick can you do because of it?

Can you swallow a pocket knife?

Disclaimer: No one was hurt in the making of this post... Do not try this at home, professionals only.

Be still

Be still....

Let me paint a picture for you.  Three boys. The seven year old is practicing guitar, the 5 year old is playing monster trucks, and the 4 year old is pushing the loudest fire truck you have ever heard.  Can you hear it. It is neither still nor quiet nor serene at my house.  Usually after about 20 minutes a fight will break out.

Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God

How in the world can I be still?  How in the world am I supposed to hear God's still small voice?  The noise level around me is so loud... so, so, so loud....

Did you know that God wants to talk to us.  He wants so desperately to have a relationship with us. A relationship with open communication.

He speaks to each of us.

The Lord speaks to me in different ways.  
For example, just today I was suppose to go to Holy Yoga, instead I wasn't feeling good so I drove home.  On my way home I saw a lady walking along the side of the road.  There is no sidewalk, and the shoulder of the road is narrow.  Its a winding country road.  I drove past her.  God tugged on me.  I felt compassion, and I immediately turned around.  It was a small pull from Jesus.  I drove her to her work, just about a mile up the road, but the cool part is I was able to make a connection with her, and hopefully help her again.  A simple ride a few miles up the road.  God is good.

When I felt the Holy Spirit urge me to go to Peru for the first time was an experience!  I was sitting in church, and my heart started beating faster, my palms got sweaty, I was nervous, anxious and a bit nauseous.  Yup! That was God urging me to sign up for the trip. So, I obeyed Him and I will forever be changed.

God has also laid certain things on my heart that I just can't shake.  Themes start to form around words, or situations.  And all of a sudden I have a realization I have to act.  Starting this blog, and my speaking ministry is an example.  

Even though my everyday is loud, crazy and unpredictable, God still speaks.  I am sure that I have not listened every time, and I have missed opportunities.  I have probably missed times to share the Gospel or help someone in need.  But the best part, is that God still tries.  He has not given up on me.  He still wants me to do His work, no matter what that looks like.  

I just try everyday to put myself out there to be available for Gods work.  I don't care how that looks, or what I am doing.  It doesn't matter how big or small it is, just as long as I am obedient.  It could be teaching my 5 year old how to manage his feelings, or passing out blankets to those in need.  

Listen to God.  Allow Him to change your day, and radically serve Him!

Be still and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!

Psalm 46:10