Thursday, September 19, 2013

I've been spit out of the fish

I am nervous.  I am excited.  I am ready....

I have been waiting, and praying for this moment for almost a year. The moment when I could freely express myself.  The moment when my voice would be heard throughout blog world.  The moment when God says, "Yep, go ahead". The moment that I would have a blog..... (cue the Rocky music)

I have sat down several times to write this first post, but every time I chicken out.  Every time I get cold feet, or find something else to do.   But, every time, I am drawn back to this place.  It is now time. I have prayed over this blog, I have journaled about this blog, and the Lord knows I have talked about it. So why in the world could I not sit down and write?  Why couldn't I do what I wanted most to do?

Fear...Failure... The taunting familiar cries, "They're all gonna laugh at you." It is enough to paralyze someone.  Fear of having a voice.  Fear of being heard.  Fear of having an opinion.  Fear of standing up  for something or to someone.  FEAR....

No more will I have fear of something so silly like a blog.  If I say it out loud, it sounds kind of ridicules.  "Hi, I'm  Katie and I am scared of my blog". Really? 

I decided to turn to the one place where I could find an answer to this silly thing called fear. The Bible! There was one person who really caught my eye.  One story in particular that I found great comfort in.  Jonah.... He was so scared and afraid to go to Nineveh that he ran from God.  He tried to go to the furthest place he could possibly go.   What happened...He got swallowed by a giant fish! (Luckily I am not traveling by boat any time soon.) That is kind of what I have felt like.  As much as I wanted to blog, and write encouragement for others, I was still stuck inside my giant fish. So much so, that I was learning to talk like a whale (Dory, from Nemo.  Whose with me? Anybody?)  I didn't realize that I had placed so much emphasis on my short comings, and not enough trust in Jesus.  Just like Jonah, I began to doubt.  I didn't think I could be loud enough to make a difference. I mean, why would anyone read my blog?  Cue Satan. I was letting the fear overtake the Joy that I wanted to share.  The Joy that Jesus has given me.  The Joy that I want to be contagious. Jonah did make a difference in Nineveh.  That's the encouragement that I am taking away.  

Is blog world my Nineveh?  Maybe, maybe not.  God knows.   For now I have been spit out on the beach, vulnerable and excited waiting for what God has planned next. And from now on I am going to let Him take over!  For the sake of Jesus, I am putting it all on the line.

Ready or not blog world, Here I come! 

1 comment:

  1. F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real. "But perfect love casts out all fear." God is for you Katie, He is in you and He goes before you and comes behind you. Since God is for you who or what can be against you? Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus! Since the Son has set you free (and He has) you are free indeed!!!!