I had tried several times to sit down and try to write. I wanted to write something profound, trying so hard to impress, trying to move readers hearts. And the truth of the matter is, that I was doing just that, trying too hard. I put way too much pressure on myself, and therefore I froze when I sat down to write. I was empty. I didn't even know where to start.
Then it dawned on me. I had ALREADY started. God was already using me. He already had me running His race. I was the one who chose not to trust, and continue on His path. This has been a process for me. A journey of learning about myself and learning where God has me. The biggest thing I have learned is simply knowing and embracing where God has me right now, right in this moment.
There are a few things that I have learned about myself in this process.
1) I need to be in God's word EVERYDAY! I will admit that I struggle with this. I might do really well for a while, and then out of nowhere life happens and BAM, I not reading daily.
2) I need to listen and trust my husband in my life. He is the spiritual leader after all. Now before you go all crazy on me, let me explain, I'm kind of all over the place. I have ALOT of cray cray ideas. "Let's move to Costa Rico and be missionaries; Lets adopt; Lets home school; I'm going to Africa; I'm not going to Africa; Wait, I wanna go to Africa again; I wanna open a nonprofit; I wanna help people". I'm exhausted just writing it. My husband is amazing!! I need to listen to him and value what he sees in my life. After all, there has to be some calm to my chaos.
3) I need community. I mean good, Godly women pouring into me and me into them. Being in constant communication with women I trust. Women who are walking with the Lord. Women who are not judging me and my craziness, but are praying over me and helping me along the way. Women that I can text at any moment and ask for prayer, or just recognize that I need prayer. Women that will hold me accountable and ring me back in.
I am fixing my eyes upon the Lord! I am reminded of a quote by Margaret Shepard, "Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith". It's so true! We have to be reminded of this because our life is constantly changing and moving. As long as we keep our eyes fixed upon the Lord, we will preserve.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."
"Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart"