Y'all...It has been a long time since I have blogged. I admit it. It's not because I have been lazy, or too busy (because I can always make time). It’s not because of not having anything to say, (if you know me, then you know I always have something to say). It's because I cannot get my feelings out. I cannot figure out what has been bothering me. Until now....
I have been reflecting on where my heart was over the season. Or where my heart wasn’t. I feel that I have cheated on Christmas. I cheated, fell short, and didn’t live up to Christmas. Sure, I participated. I went to Christmas parties, baked goodies, gave back…But I still feel like something was lacking.
The lacking part was not the new clothes, or the I pad. We did not lack in an abundance of presents. The boys got way more than they could have ever wanted. The presents, the wrapping, the boxes the bows, all of it. All of it is disposable. All of the pretty is now in a trash heap, buried under the dirt. My boys have already broken a handful of toys. Disposable. Trashed.
That’s where I am left. Feeling like I have been dumped in the trash. Trash. Yup! That’s right. Did I truly celebrate the season in the way that God would have wanted? I prayed, I worshiped, I did good for others, I celebrated the Birth. But yet, I still feel left with a need for a do over.
Aren’t we always trying to do more? Or at least feeling like we should. We could never do enough for God, and we don't have to. If you truly think about it, God’s grace for us is way more than we could ever earn. That is a true blessing. We CAN’T do enough. EVER. Jesus did all that we need. We don’t deserve it, but we get it anyway. We can never fill the chasm because it is way too big. Jesus is the only bridge of the gap. He is the only one! We don't have to fill it...
We have Grace, Grace that rains down and refreshes us. It has refreshed me over the last few weeks as I have been figuring out my emotions.
Thank you Jesus for your Grace. We do not deserve such love.
So what does all this mean? Well, it means that I want to continue to bring God's love to all. I want to continue to celebrate HIM. Everyday is a gift from him and we should open each day as if we are opening a precious Christmas gift.
Which way are you going to open your day? Carefully peeling back the wrapping so tenderly as to not tear the paper. OR, excitedly ripping the paper and tearing into the gift. Live in complete abandonment to Jesus. Allowing Him to guide you through your day. That is the most precious gift of the season that we get to be with Jesus on a daily basis!
Enjoy the Christmas season throughout the year. I am going to stop yearning for a do over and simple pray for a “do now”!